Random FMA drabbles
by ZaKai
Summary: Drabble 13: Roy decides to "get away from it all," at least for a short time. :Gen, light humor:
1. Lucky Pen

**A/N:** After much thought on the matter, I've decided to make a 'story' that I could basically dump my dinky oneshots that I don't think deserve a place of their own. Each time I post a 'chapter' I'll replace the summary to correspond with that particular oneshot. These drabbles are unbetaed. If you see any mistakes, feel free to let me know.

The types of drabbles you see in here will be mixed. Parings will vary (if there are any at all) and will be either het or yaoi (though if there are parings I will put a warning as I know some people don't want to read yaoi, and some don't want to read het.) All drabbles contained within this 'story' will be rated K, K+, or T.

For those of you who decide to read these, let me thank you in advance. It will be nice to know that someone will read them instead of them gathering imaginary dust in my folders.

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**Title:** Lucky Pen  
**Type: **Humor, non-yaoi  
**Pairings: **None  
**Rating:** K  
**Summary: **Roy needs a pen and Breda has one.

-

Breda scribbled something on his notepad and turned to Falman, ready to ask if the man could think of anything else they needed to get from Logistics when Colonel Mustang suddenly walked swiftly into the room.

Both Breda and Falman glanced up at their commanding officer as the man looked around for a moment. When Mustang's eyes fell on Breda's pen, he walked over and said, "Your pen. Give it to me."

Breda blinked and looked down at his pen before shaking his head. "I can't."

The colonel frowned before shaking a folder in Breda's face. "I'm supposed to have this back to Hawkeye in five minutes, now give me your pen."

The red-headed man gave his commanding officer an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, sir, but this is my lucky pen. I can't just let anyone use it."

"Your lucky... what are you talking about?" the colonel asked in irritation.

Breda pressed the pen close to his head and said, "It brings me all kinds of good fortune. I couldn't possibly let it go, even for such a short time..."

Looking a little exasperated, Mustang narrowed his eyes before digging in his pocket and pulled out a 20 cens bill. He slammed it down on the notepad the man was holding up and gave Breda an expectant look. "I'll give it back to you," the dark-haired man growled.

Sighing heavily, the lieutenant reluctantly handed over the pen and watched as the colonel stalked out of the room.

"I didn't know that was your lucky pen," Falman commented.

Breda shrugged and pocketed the money with a grin. "Neither did I."

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	2. Mood Swings

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**Title: **Mood Swings  
**Type: **Humor, technically non-yaoi (but yaoi fans can read whatever they want into this.)  
**Pairings:** technically none  
**Rating:** T  
**Summary: **Ed's moodiness confuses and irritates Alfons.

-

Alfons glanced into Ed's bedroom and frowned when he saw his friend still in bed. Letting himself into the room, Alfons said, "Aren't you going to get up? We're launching that rocket today..."

"No..." Ed murmured and turned on his side so that his back was facing toward him.

Alfons frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Everything."

Alfons stood there, not exactly sure what to say to that, then turned around and started to leave the room. "Well, alright then. I guess I'll see you later." Suddenly a pillow hit his head from behind. Turning around, he saw an irritated-looking Ed staring sullenly at him.

"You're supposed to stay here and console me!" Ed shouted angrily, then flopped himself back on the mattress. Sighing heavily, Alfons walked over to the bed and hesitantly sat down before awkwardly patting Ed on the shoulder.

With a growl, Ed turned and swatted Alfons' hand away and said, "Just leave me alone."

Alfons blinked in surprise. Hadn't Ed just said he wanted him to stay? Feeling thoroughly confused and frustrated now, Alfons reached over and grabbed at Ed's groin. To this, Ed flailed and shouted, "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Verifying your gender," he said darkly before turning and stalking moodily out of the room.

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	3. Myself

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**Title:** Myself  
**Type: **Humor, non-yaoi  
**Pairings: **None  
**Rating:** K  
**Summary:** Roy muses on why he's not married yet.

-

When Riza stepped into her commanding officer's office, she scowled to see him looking at his reflection in the window and preening himself. Grunting, she walked to his desk and picked up what he'd left for her.

As she turned to leave, she heard him say, "Lieutenant... Why do you think such an intelligent, gorgeous, and _extraordinary_ man such as myself is still single?"

Turning, she saw that he was looking at her reflection in the glass. With practiced patience she said, "Perhaps you just need to learn to be more modest."

He seemed to think about that for a moment, then said, "I've often thought about cultivating modesty, but I just haven't had the time..."

She frowned. "Really? What have you been busy with?" She had to ask because he obviously hadn't been busy with his paperwork.

Riza watched his reflection grin and he said, "I've been too busy thinking about myself, of course."

Making a sound of exasperation, Riza rolled her eyes and started for the door. "I think you've found your answer, sir," she growled.

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	4. Cold Water

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**  
Title:** Cold Water  
**Type: **Humor, yaoi  
**Pairings: **Roy/Ed  
**Rating:** PG  
**Summary:** Roy accuses Ed of dumping cold water on him while he's in the shower.

-

Ed looked up from his book when he heard the yell. He half got up out of his chair, then sat back down and stoically tried to ignore what he'd just heard. Since their last fight, Ed hadn't talked to Mustang, and Mustang hadn't talked to him. _He_ sure as hell wasn't going to be the one who caved, and that was that.

The sound of Al's clanging footsteps met his ears, and again Ed looked up to see his brother quickly walking toward the table. Sitting down, Al grabbed the nearest book and began studying it intently.

_Okay..._ Ed thought, but didn't have time to ask about the strange behavior because a moment a very wet and—except for a towel around his hips—very naked Roy Mustang walked into the room.

"You!" Mustang breathed, pointing a finger at him. Ed blinked, unsure what this was about, but very aware that this was the first thing Mustang had said to him in days. "You poured cold water on me while I was in the shower!"

"What?!" Ed exclaimed. "No I didn't! I've been in here the whole—" He stopped abruptly and looked at his brother. "It was Al!" he accused.

"Right. You really expect me to believe your brother would do something like that?" Mustang asked as he walked toward him.

"Al!" Ed said accusingly, but his brother simply ignored him. Before he could speak again, Mustang had picked him up, and hoisted him up over his shoulder. "Where are you taking me?" Ed demanded as Mustang turned to leave the room.

"I need to show you the evils of pouring cold water on a man," Mustang said simply.

Ed lifted his head. He wanted to give Al an evil glare for framing him, but he knew why Al had done it, so instead he gave him a crooked smile and mouthed 'thank you'.

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	5. Drama Queen

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**Title:** Drama Queen  
**Type: **humor, non-yaoi  
**Main characters: **Ed, Al  
**Rating: **G  
**Summary: **Ed goes to Al for help.

-

Ed sighed deeply in thought and tried to work things out in his mind, then looked up at Al with tears in his eyes.

"Al... I... I never asked for this, you know. It's not something that I ever wanted, and yet it's something that keeps getting passed to me." He paused long enough to rub at his wet eyes, then looked back at his brother.

"You understand. You're the _only _one who understands." He spread his hands out in an imploring gesture and said in a quiet, beseeching voice, "Please... help me. Give me some advice... something..."

Al was silent for a few moments, then, folding his arms, said in exasperation, "Just drink the milk, Brother. You're not getting out of it."

Ed's shoulders dropped and he whispered brokenly, "Now even you are against me... I feel so alone..."

Al shook his head and muttered, "Drama Queen."

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I woke up at 2am and couldn't get back to sleep, so I wrote this. Now I think I'll try going back to sleep (it's 3am now). Hopefully this will still be funny when I'm not tired. Haha 

If you liked it, let me know :)


	6. Plants

**-**

**Title:** Plants  
**Type: **light humor, non-yaoi, long drabble  
**Parings: **None  
**Rating:** G  
**Summary:** Riza asks Ed to take care of her plant while she's gone.

-  
For **Kikiko**, who gave me the  
prompts for this chapter which  
were: plant, teddy bear and  
Band-Aid.  
-

**Plants**

**-  
**"If you ask me, you're making a mistake," Roy said in an offhand manner. His second lieutenant... no... they'd been promoted... she was a first lieutenant now... His first lieutenant only smiled and shook her head.

"I think you're too hard on him," she answered back.

Roy opened his mouth to say something, when there was a knock on the door. "Enter," Roy said and immediately the door opened to let in a small, blond twelve-year-old boy, wearing a long red coat and black leather pants. He was also sporting a small band-aid on the bridge of his nose.

"I'm looking for..." he trailed off when he saw Hawkeye, then said, "Havoc said you were looking for me."

She nodded, and pointed to a small plant on her desk. "I'm going to visit my niece for her birthday and I need someone to take care of my plant. I was wondering if you would be willing to do that."

"Why me?" Ed asked curiously.

She grinned. "Because if I asked the colonel, he'd kill it."

Roy glared at her. "Hey!"

To this, Ed laughed and nodded. "You're probably right. Sure I'll take care of it, if you're not gone too long. Me and Al are gonna leave East City in a week."

"I'll be back in three days," she said, then lifted a small stuffed bear. "I wanted to deliver this to her in person."

Roy watched in disbelief as Ed made the appropriate noises of approval at the gift, then explained to her about the band-aid when she asked about it. Why was the brat so well behaved with her and not with him?

After their short chat, Ed picked up the plant and said with a grin, "This is a cute little plant, Al will really like it."

"Actually, I take it back," Roy said suddenly. "I think having Fullmetal take care of the plant is a great choice."

"You do?" Hawkeye and Ed both said together.

Roy nodded. "It's small. Fullmetal is small. The two are practically made for each..." But he never got a chance to finish as the kid started ranting incoherently at him, then stalked out the door. Roy shook his head, and glanced at Hawkeye who was glaring darkly at him.

"What?" he asked. She shook her head and started packing the small stuffed toy away. "It's not my fault he's an insufferable brat," Roy said defensively.

Standing up, she headed toward the door. "You bring it on yourself, Sir."

Roy frowned, and muttered, "I don't see how."

With a heavy sigh, Hawkeye derisively growled, "Men," before stalking out the door.

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	7. Costume

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**Title:** Costume  
**Type:** Yaoi, Drabble, Humor  
**Pairings:** Roy/Ed  
**Rating:** PG  
**Summary:** Ed convinces Roy to try on a costume for Halloween.

-

Ed knocked on the bedroom door and heard rustling inside, but nothing more. He frowned and stuck his lip out petulantly before calling out, "Roy... You still alive in there?"

There was a moment of silence before he heard, "This isn't going to work, Ed."

Ed reached down and wiggled the doorknob, but it was locked. "Let me come in and see."

"No. I'm taking it off..." came the exasperated response.

"What?!" Ed exclaimed. "But you _promised_!"

Another moment of silence.

"Ed..." Roy's voice carried frustration and the tone one uses when trying to be patient with a needy child. "I _know_ I promised, but trust me, this isn't going to work."

"Well... can I at least see...?" Ed asked, disappointment filling his voice. When there was no answer right away, he said, "Please? Just let me see." He knew he was pleading, but he didn't care. Roy had promised all month, and Ed had been looking forward to it.

He heard Roy make a sound of exasperation, then, "Fine... but trust me, this doesn't work..."

"I'll be the judge of that," Ed said, feeling pleased that he would at least get to see.

More rustling inside the bedroom, then footsteps to the door. He heard the lock being undone, then a moment's pause before the door slowly opened to reveal Roy Mustang, the great Flame Alchemist, colonel in the Amestris military, dressed in a black and white maid's outfit.

Ed took in the tight fitting bodice over Roy's flat chest; the frilly, puffed out skirt that only went halfway to Roy's knobby knees; the fishnet stockings that covered Roy's hairy legs, and the black high heels that looked far too tight on Roy's large feet before looking up at Roy's disgruntled face.

He blinked and tried to hold back the smile that was trying to form on his face. It wasn't nearly as sexy as he thought it would be, but it sure was funny. Clearing his throat, Ed said in the most neutral voice he could dredge up, "You're right. That doesn't work."

Nodding curtly and giving Ed a dark glare, Roy slammed the door in his face only seconds before Ed began to laugh.

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**Happy Halloween!**

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	8. Bed

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**Title:** Bed  
**Rating:** PG  
**Type: **humor, yaoi, drabble  
**Pairings: **Roy/Ed  
**Word Count: **167  
**Summary: **Ed suggests that they start making the bed.  
-

"We should start making our bed."

Roy looked up at Ed who was sitting on the couch and reading a magazine. "Oh?"

Ed nodded and tapped on the magazine. "It says here that people sleep better at night when they make their bed in the morning. It makes the environment of the bedroom more organized and comfortable."

Roy rolled his eyes. Ever since they'd begun living together, Ed had taken to borrowing Hawkeye's magazines and was always making suggestions on things they could change.

"We should at least _try_ it," Ed said with a small pout.

A thought came to him and Roy grinned widely. "Alright. I like making the bed..."

Ed blinked. "You do...?"

"Of course. I like making the bed squeak and creak and—"

He cut off and laughed when Ed hurled the magazine at him with an irritated, "Pervert."

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	9. Stealing Kisses

**Title:** Stealing Kisses  
**Rating:** PG  
**Type: **yaoi, general, drabble  
**Pairings: **Hughes/Ed  
**Word Count: **255  
**Summary: **Ed complains about Hughes stealing his fries, so Hughes decides to steal something else instead.  
-

**Stealing Kisses**

**-  
**Ed yelped when a hand reached around from behind him and grabbed one of his French fries. "Hey!" he shouted, turning around with an angry look on his face. He huffed when he saw Maes Hughes standing behind him with a smirk as he chewed the stolen fry.

"Hi, Ed," he said smoothly, then gave him a small wink.

Ed blushed and quickly turned back to his food. Trying to get his breathing under control, he told himself that he did _not_ think Hughes was good looking and he did _not_ have a crush on him. It was no use though since he knew that he _did_ have a crush on him, and Hughes knew it as well.

Grumbling, Ed said, "Go get your own. I don't like it when people steal my food."

He heard Hughes step forward, then a moment later the man gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "How about I steal a kiss instead?" Ed was blushing hard now, but his embarrassment didn't stop him from smacking Hughes's hand away when he tried to steal another fry.

"Kisses you can steal; fries you can't."

Hughes kissed him again and murmured, "You're so _stingy_!"

"Yeah well," Ed said petulantly, "You can get as many kisses as you want, but the kitchen will only give me one helping of fries."

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	10. Stress Ball

**Title: **Stress ball  
**Rating:** G  
**Type: **General, light humor, light yaoi overtones  
**Main Characters: **Roy, Ed  
**Summary: **Roy tells Ed how he relieves his stress.

**Edit: **Okay, well, _technically_ this is not yaoi, but MysteryLady-Tx pointed out that it _could_ be seen that way, so yeah, however you'd like to look at it! haha

—

"What's that?" Ed asked, eyeing the small, squishy-looking ball on Mustang's desk.

"Stress ball," the colonel muttered without looking up.

"Stress ball?" Ed echoed curiously.

Mustang signed a document, then glanced up at him. "Yes, a stress ball. When I'm feeling particularly angry, frustrated, upset, or just generally stressed, I pick it up and squeeze it very hard over and over again.

"Oh, that's cool," Ed said interestedly.

"I'm pretty fond of it," Mustang said, grabbing another folder and taking a look at the documents inside. "I even named it."

"Oh yeah? What?"

"Ed," came the short reply.

Ed blinked. "You named it after me?" he asked, surprised that Mustang would name anything after him.

"Sure," Mustang said, getting up and heading toward the door. "After all, I do everything to that little ball that I'd like to do to you." And with that, Mustang hurried out the door before Ed could fully comprehend what had just been said.

—


	11. Indescribable

**Title:** Indescribable  
**Pairings: **light mention of Elricest  
**Type: **General, Implied yaoi  
**Word Count: **299  
**Rating: **PG13  
**Warnings/Spoilers: **Rating for implied incest  
**Summary: **Roy can't quite put his finger on how he feels when he barges into Ed's dorm room.  
**- **

**Indescribable**

-  
Roy walked swiftly through the dormitory hallways toward the room Fullmetal and his brother was staying in. He'd just gotten word of what had happened on his last mission… something that was going to cost the military a lot of money… something the teen had just happened to not mention… and Roy was not pleased.

When he reached Ed's room, Roy turned the doorknob and flung open the door without knocking. He had a perfectly good tongue lashing ready for the boy, but the words died in his throat when he saw what the boy and his armored brother were doing.

He blinked.

Ed and Al looked up at him; Fullmetal with a look of surprise and embarrassment, Al with a look of… well… the look he always had since he was made of armor and he couldn't exactly show expression…

He blinked again.

Roy didn't even know you could do that with…

Not knowing exactly what to say, Roy stepped back into the hallway and closed the door behind him. For a moment, he stood there trying to grasp onto some name for what he was feeling.

Shocked?

Embarrassed?

Stunned?

No… none of those… he couldn't seem to put his finger on it…

Turning around, Roy opened the door again and looked back inside trying to see if the scene would help him put a name to the emotion. Neither of them had moved and they were still staring in his direction. He tried in vain to grasp at the feeling, but he just couldn't describe it… couldn't put a name to it.

Finally, Roy pulled his head out and shut the door again. He stood there a second longer trying to digest it all, then walked back down the hallway.

His talk with Fullmetal could wait…


	12. Cold

**Title: **Cold  
**Rating: **PG13  
**Pairing: **Riza/Roy  
**Type: **Het, light romance, oneshot  
**Word Count: **746  
**Summary: **When the heater goes out in Roy's office, Riza suggests another way to keep warm.

**Notes: **Written for the 100moods community on LiveJournal with the prompt "cold".  
-

**Cold**

**-  
**Roy rubbed his hands together as he studied the document in front of him. Once a year, without fail, Central Headquarters' heater broke down. This usually seemed to happen during the coldest part of the winter. Consequently, not a year went by when the air conditioning didn't go down during the hottest part of the summer at least once. Roy believed it was all a conspiracy; something to amuse those in authority. He couldn't prove it, but he wouldn't put it past those scheming bastards.

A shiver went through him and he put his hands in front of his face and breathed into them, trying to get the warm air to rebound back onto his face. His cheeks felt frozen and he was sure that if he looked in a mirror, his nose and ears would be red. Roy glanced at the clock over the tips of his fingers and considered leaving early. It was far too cold to get anything done here. Maybe he could take his work home with him... Roy crossed his arms and slid his hands under his armpits as he considered his options.

Just then, the door opened and Riza stuck her head into the room.

"I'm working," Roy lied.

"I can see you've made quite a dent in your work," she said with light sarcasm. Roy glanced at the folders on his desk. There was no hiding his lack of production from her. His body was starting to tremble a little with the cold.

"I was just thinking about moving locations," he mentioned. "Somewhere warmer." Most likely most of the people in the building had done the same thing. Riza stepped into the office and closed the door behind her before walking over to his desk. She considered him thoughtfully for a moment, then her lips pulled up into a small smile.

"To work?" she asked, a hint of amusement in her tone.

"Of course," Roy answered, trying to sound innocent. "I'd never try to get out of work." He flashed her a smile even as he knew she didn't believe a word of what he was saying.

Their eyes locked for a moment before she said smoothly, "Perhaps I should come with you to be sure of that."

His smile widened into a delighted grin. "To make sure I work?"

"Why else would I accompany you to your apartment?" she asked evasively, though the impish twinkle in her eye betrayed what she was really feeling inside.

"You're a harsh taskmistress," Roy said with feigned exhaustion.

She walked behind him, pressed her warm hands to his cheeks, and whispered in his ear, "Someone has to help you get to the top." Her breath was warm and a shudder ran through him that had nothing do to with the cold.

"As I recall, you never let me be on top," he returned playfully.

"You just don't work hard enough at it," she said and slid her hands down to his neck, then to his shoulders and finally down to rest on his chest. She leaned forward and he could feel her breasts pressing against his back only moments before her cheek pressed against his.

"Such improper behavior for the office," Roy murmured as he put his hands over hers.

"I thought you said we were leaving," Riza said, and began to move her hands down even further.

"I did, but you seem determined to warm me up right here and now," Roy returned. "And I'd hate to get in your way when you want to do something."

She fingered the waistband of his pants for a moment, teasing him with the prospect of what was to come later, then said, "I'm glad you know your place." Riza gave him a slow kiss on the cheek, then pulled back and started walking toward the door. "I'll meet you in the lobby." And with that, she was gone.

Roy slumped in his chair and let out his breath, which misted slightly in front of his face. Her teasing had gotten him excited and had made him forget the cold, if only for a moment. His cheek tingled warmly where she had kissed him and he moved his hand up to lightly touch his face. Smiling to himself, Roy dropped his hand, stood up, and pulled his coat on, then hurried out of his office after grabbing a stack of paperwork he knew he'd never work on at home. He hummed quietly to himself as he walked quickly down the hallway, thinking that perhaps the breakdown of the heater at work wasn't so bad after all. Just a quick ten minute walk in the snow, then there would be a warm fire, fine wine... Riza... plenty of things to keep him warm.

* * *

**  
A/N:**

I thought it would be fun to write a little something where Riza was the instigator rather than Roy, thus the Riza/Roy instead of Roy/Riza. It's pretty light-handed in this ficclet, but I had fun writing it nonetheless. I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading!

--

**Comments are love**


	13. Relaxed

**Title: **Relaxed  
**Characters: **Roy and his crew  
**Type: **Gen, Light Humor  
**Word Count: **193  
**Rating: **G  
**Summary: **Roy decides to "get away from it all," at least for a short time.

**Note:** Another drabble from the 100moods challenge I'm doing on LiveJournal.  
**-**

**Relaxed**

**-  
**Roy lay in the lounge chair, ice-cold drink in hand, calmly listening to the sounds of the waves crashing on the shore and the seagulls in the air. His eyes were closed and his face was turned upward toward the sun. There was a slight breeze that made the warm air a perfect temperature.

"This is the life..." he heard Havoc say lazily and there were murmurs of agreement from his other men.

Roy gave a relaxed sigh, and started to doze off slightly when there was a low pitched screeching noise, and the sounds of the surf and birds came to a halt.

"Lunch break is over boys," a cool female voice said in amusement. There were feeble cries of protest from his subordinates, but he could hear them already beginning to get up. With a heavy sigh, Roy languidly opened his eyes and looked up to see Lieutenant Hawkeye starting to wheel the portable record player back into Eastern Headquarters.

"Sir?" she called back behind her.

"Coming... coming..." he murmured, then downed the rest of his water before getting up and heading back to his office.


End file.
